Tag Archives: child care

RIGHT/RIGHTS

4 Jul

A lot has been said lately about rights without any consideration as to what is right.

The “rights” of humans on this planet has been given so much attention it is obvious man is just moving around in circles. This is due to the simple reason that where one person’s rights end is where  the next person’s begin.

All over the world we have civil rights, constitutional rights, child’s rights,  women’s rights,  human rights,  animal rights. Is anyone missing?  Men’s rights?  No such thing. Men already have ALL the rights embedded in their  genes they don’t need advocates. In fact they happen to be the ones dishing up all the rights and making us all feel worthy of being heard.

Talking of rights did I mention the one making waves now?  Gay rights?

Gone are the days that you can describe your child as gay with a smile on your face. Then,  Gay was synonymous with happiness. I am gay,  we’re all gay meant we are all of us happy.

Not so today.

The word gay has taken on a new meaning. To be gay now means to be homosexual. The change of meaning to me is the beginning of the infringement on my rights. I don’t think it’s fair that people give me an odd look when  I say “I am gay today” just because some people hijacked the word and gave it their own meaning and our learned friends decided to accord them the rights to do so.

While still reeling from the infringement on my rights to use the word having in mind it’s original meaning, another of my rights’ being infringed! Now I am being forced to accept something which I only tolerated. There’s a big difference between tolerating and accepting as right. I believe I have a right to tell my child “I don’t want to see you hanging out with so  and so”, for whatever reason I have. It could be because the person is not of good character and I don’t want the person’s character flaw to rub off on my son. It could also be because I know the person is homosexual and I don’t want my son to wake up tomorrow and tell me I gave birth to him with an inborn tendency to be homosexual.

Anyone who wants to be gay can go ahead and do so for all I care, as far as the person was not birthed by me. And I would definitely not say I won’t talk to you because you chose to be something I view to be wrong outright. But there is a limit to the kind of acquaintanceship I would form with a homosexual.

I believe that I have RIGHTS to choose who I do business with, who I work for, etc.And it is a huge infringement on my rights if I am prosecuted for saying I don’t like what you are doing.

Your rights end where my rights begin.

So True

15 Sep

I came across a quote yesterday, it was or is a wisdom quote. I so loved the quote I had to have it re-blogged (it was originally blogged by Otrazhenie). The quote simply goes ‘The worst part about being strong is that no one ever asks if you’re okay.’

How nice to have the strong ones amongst us weak mortals. I say ‘us weak mortals’ because I don’t see myself as being strong, most times I need someone to ‘unburden’ on, someone who would perform the simple act of listening, sometimes not listening to proffer solutions but just listening. I am sure many of us fall under that category.

Point is even the weak at times have to exhibit some strength when they meet with those they are stronger than. Virtually everyone has someone or those who look up to them. A parent undergoing depression has to cast aside their depression to be strong for their children, the children is their department,they just have to man it depressed or no. Even amongst the children, the younger ones tend to look up to the older ones and the older ones simply assume the role of the strong one when the parents just aren’t there. You find older siblings forgoing their meals for the younger ones, or rustling up some food for them to eat even if they have zero cooking skills. I remember when we were little, sometimes we would get back from school and there’s nothing to eat (no prepared meal) and mum and dad are still at work. Our eldest brother would go to the backyard, there was a kind of flower garden there with some other plants that looked like vegetables, I don’t know how he did it, but he would get some of those ‘vegetables’ some snails and he always came up with tasty ‘nameless’ dishes! For us then he was the strong one and he always made sure we, his younger siblings were okay before he had his meal.

So what I am saying in effect is that there is a hierarchy when it comes to being strong. In the family arrangement, the ultimate source of strength is the husband/father. Everyone in the home looks up to him. Sometimes in trying to keep up the appearance of being strong, some of them actually do without complaining about any form of discomfort or ailment. How many sudden deaths are recorded for women, how about men in general? Do the math.

Another set of ‘strong’ ones that should be taken care of are caregivers. It is so easy to overlook caregivers and assume they are okay…always okay. I have seen several occasions where the caregiver gave up before the person they were caring for.

So true indeed the saying ‘The worst part about being strong is that no one ever asks if you’re okay.’ 

Let’s make it a habit to ask if the strong are okay, take time out to check on them and find out how they are faring. You may just find out that the strong person you are looking at may not really be that strong after all. Everyone needs some tender loving care.

Where Are We Now?

10 Sep

The long vacation started end of July for some pupils/students, early August for others, and like every other holiday, the children could not wait to really get into it. Then, the menace called Ebola set in. The press had a field day, spreading terror how best they could. It was like “Catch Ebola in the bus-stop nearest to you”. What else could ruin a holiday than a life-threatening virus.

Granted, the sensationalism created a lot of awareness, (let’s not talk about the bathe and drink salt saga) and a whole lot of changes in many. Notable amongst others is how orderly Nigerians became…no more pushing and shoving at bus-stops, minimal body contact inside of buses, and then the hand sanitisers!

I think producers of hand sanitisers made their greatest sales this period. You can find hand sanitisers sticking out of purses, back pockets, breast pockets… Even those who know nothing about the sanitisers use them these days. For some hand sanitisers replaced the hand creams. It is not surprising to find some using hand sanitisers after washing their hands with soap under running water! Strikes me as quite funny, since the washing of hands with simple soap and running water is really all that is needed, maybe the sanitisers are for ‘double’ protection.

Next we have multiple resumption dates for schools. The Federal government’s directive to adjust the school resumption date was greeted with mixed reactions. Those whose entire livelihood depends on schools’ resuming would not hear of it. If you ask me, all the brouhaha over the resumption date is entirely selfish. Have we really sat back to think about what would happen if this virus enters the school environment? We shall be talking about the wiping out of whole families! The ‘it is not my portion’ ideology alone would cause the biggest problem.

Many, due to their religious affiliations do not believe that anything ‘bad’ can happen to them. This in itself is a high powered self deceit. Bad things happen everyday, even to the most righteous of men! Anyway, back to Ebola, how many parents would have a child running a fever, vomiting, etc and associate the illness to the dreaded virus? We would first try out our usual self medication, during which time the virus would simply pass on to others within the family. If that doesn’t work the next port of call is the church for ‘faith healing’. Even if there is a nagging suspicion of what the problem really is, who would be brave enough to give it its rightful name, after all ‘it is not our portion’. Of course, the hospital is the last resort.

So where exactly are we now? Are schools resuming on the 22nd of September? 13th of October? Indefinitely?

Putting aside our selfishness, what exactly is the right thing to do?

One instruction the Kids Don’t Want to Hear

13 Jun

Have you noticed how much the kids hate it when you tell them, “It’s bedtime, go to bed”. Well I don’t know about you but I have to repeat that instruction over and over each night before they get a move on.

I wish I had someone to tell me to go to bed by 9 pm, I would be so elated! After a hard days work, sleep is the primary thing on my mind as I head home. But alas! I can’t do that once I step in. I need to perform all duties common to wives and mothers so that when I finally hit the sack, there is no looking back.

But not so the children. They spend all day in school, come home have their homework done, play more than they should, help out as little as they wish and then settle in front of the TV and when it is time for them to retire, they wail as loud as they can.

Well I try not to get swayed by them and their wails and complaints. Bedtime is bedtime and must be adhered to because whether they like it or not, it is for their own good!

WhenTeens Begin to Wish to Die…There is a Problem!

12 Jun

When I remember my childhood, I remember dreams…dreams of castles and princes in shining armour, dreams of having a dozen adorable children to dote on, dreams of living to be a hundred and fifty and yet NOT growing old, dreams of my parents always being there no matter how old we get to be, visions of becoming a celebrity and always rising to the cheering and applause of a massive crowd (even rehearsing how I would wave to them in response to the applause).

Tall dreams all of these, but such was the joy of childhood and adolescence, NEVER in the agenda was death! Then the world was more focused, though the badness was still there but the most heinous of crimes were only found in the movies.

Now worse crimes than movie makers can conjecture are committed in real life, the resultant effect? Our children who really should be living carefree lives now want to end it all. We have severely depressed children than at any other time in our generation. (I remember it was considered impossible for a child below 18 to have a headache when I was growing up, the general thinking was, “What is the child thinking about so as to have a headache?) Now children are born with headaches, they have brain tumours and problems that even adults find difficult to understand.

When I read about what is happening to Paris Jackson, I cannot help but feel for the poor fifteen year old who preoccupies herself with thoughts of dying. She is simply re-living her father’s life…no childhood.

We need to feel pity for the children, the teens of this generation. They have far more in their plates than some of us had for two score years put together. Could it be TV, the world’s warped idea of entertainment and humour? Are we in such a dead hurry to have our children grow up that we bring them face to face with adult problems and expect them to rise to the occasion?

Whatever it is, let’s let the children play, when they want to, skip about when they deserve to, talk like children when they have the chance…Let’s let the children BE children.

Being a Mother is No Piece of Cake

4 Jun

I have been a mother for like, thirteen years now, and I believe that one of the noblest, most wholesome tedious job is that of being a mother. Now I had my kids in quick successions…and I really mean “quick successions”-2000, 2001, 2003. It was like I was being pursued by someone or something, we never planned for it to happen that way but then it happened. Now that was a lot of stress, but I was determined to do things right, so I did my six month baby-friendly exercise with each and every one of them and enjoyed every backbreaking part of it. I had help too, those words of encouragement from both those who have been there and done that and those who had not been there but were positive they would handle it in an okay way if they had the chance.

Now they have grown…at least to a great extent and I have come to realise the truthfulness of what some said to me then, ‘Endure the hassles of their being so many and so little for they shall all grow at once, then you would enjoy them.’ I am surely doing so now, I am not changing diapers and spoon-feeding anyone but I have a greater challenge now, channeling them to becoming responsible adults.

With every facet of the child’s life the mother’s role remains constant, she is the cook, the steward, the guardian, the confidante, the mentor, the teacher, the helper, the builder, the pillar, the support…

This is definitely no piece of cake.

How Far Should Parents Go? Part 2

12 Apr

A builder knows how many rooms he wants in his house, he could alter it if he wishes, and the building regulations in the area gives the maximum number of floors you could have. Some prospective parents have fallen into the trap of drawing up their ‘plan’ for their children way up to who the children would marry when they grow up and how many children their children would have—so to speak.

Such parents are bound to face problems. Why?

Humans are no robots. All humans have something in common—free will. It was given to us all by the creator. This factor must be considered when as parents we face the temptation to plan our children’s lives to suit us. When the children are babies you could choose the type of diaper you want them to wear, the styles of clothing they would put on. To some extent you dictate what they would eat. This is because you cannot force feed a child what they do not want to eat. The child simply spits it up. Thus from babyhood, your child begins to show their preferences in certain issues.

The bottom line?

Allow your children to grow up, make their own mistakes—mistakes are to be learnt from—make needed adjustments with the full conviction that we are there for them whenever they fall. Do not get me wrong, this does not rule out shaping the life of your children through needed discipline, advice—sometimes strongly given, and of course a loving atmosphere that makes for a wholesome association at home and keeps the line of communication open.

So how far should parents go?

Parents can only go as far as they can go, as far as the child allows you to go since in all sincerity you cannot live your children’s lives.

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