Tag Archives: family

RIGHT/RIGHTS

4 Jul

A lot has been said lately about rights without any consideration as to what is right.

The “rights” of humans on this planet has been given so much attention it is obvious man is just moving around in circles. This is due to the simple reason that where one person’s rights end is where  the next person’s begin.

All over the world we have civil rights, constitutional rights, child’s rights,  women’s rights,  human rights,  animal rights. Is anyone missing?  Men’s rights?  No such thing. Men already have ALL the rights embedded in their  genes they don’t need advocates. In fact they happen to be the ones dishing up all the rights and making us all feel worthy of being heard.

Talking of rights did I mention the one making waves now?  Gay rights?

Gone are the days that you can describe your child as gay with a smile on your face. Then,  Gay was synonymous with happiness. I am gay,  we’re all gay meant we are all of us happy.

Not so today.

The word gay has taken on a new meaning. To be gay now means to be homosexual. The change of meaning to me is the beginning of the infringement on my rights. I don’t think it’s fair that people give me an odd look when  I say “I am gay today” just because some people hijacked the word and gave it their own meaning and our learned friends decided to accord them the rights to do so.

While still reeling from the infringement on my rights to use the word having in mind it’s original meaning, another of my rights’ being infringed! Now I am being forced to accept something which I only tolerated. There’s a big difference between tolerating and accepting as right. I believe I have a right to tell my child “I don’t want to see you hanging out with so  and so”, for whatever reason I have. It could be because the person is not of good character and I don’t want the person’s character flaw to rub off on my son. It could also be because I know the person is homosexual and I don’t want my son to wake up tomorrow and tell me I gave birth to him with an inborn tendency to be homosexual.

Anyone who wants to be gay can go ahead and do so for all I care, as far as the person was not birthed by me. And I would definitely not say I won’t talk to you because you chose to be something I view to be wrong outright. But there is a limit to the kind of acquaintanceship I would form with a homosexual.

I believe that I have RIGHTS to choose who I do business with, who I work for, etc.And it is a huge infringement on my rights if I am prosecuted for saying I don’t like what you are doing.

Your rights end where my rights begin.

Have a Kid in High School? (Continued)

10 Mar

Here are the rest of the groupings or categories.
The Dorks
The dork is considered to be silly, out-of-touch, tends to look odd or behave ridiculously around others; a social misfit, a stupid, inept, or foolish person.
This is going by the definition of the other kids. A girl that does not go around in the skimpy and “trendy” clothes would be labeled a dork, don’t you think?
Nerd
Nerd (adjective: nerdy) is a descriptive term, often used to indicate that a person is overly intellectual, obsessive, or socially impaired. They may spend inordinate amounts of time on unpopular, obscure, or non-mainstream activities, which are generally either highly technical or relating to topics of fiction or fantasy, to the exclusion of more mainstream activities. Additionally, many nerds are described as being shy, quirky, and unattractive, and may have difficulty participating in, or even following, sports. Though originally derogatory, “Nerd” is a stereotypical term, but as with other pejoratives, it has been reclaimed and redefined by some as a term of pride and group identity.
These are the bookworms so to speak and last time I checked, we send our kids to school to read books and study.

The Duffs
Designated Ugly Fat Friend
Be attentive to how your kids feel about their looks. If they are fussy about their weigh when there really is no reason for it, watch out! They may have been designated duffs in school.
The Bully
Bullying is a common occurrence in most schools. Bullies thrive with terrorizing others and striking fear in them. A bully does not necessarily have to be bigger in size, they have mastered the art of inflicting pain be it physical, mental, emotional. Some bully as a means of self-preservation, others just for fun. No one loves to be bullied, and no one loves to raise a bully.
The Geeks
The people you pick on in high school and wind up working for as an adult
Not to be confused with Nerd. A geek does not have to be smart, a Geek is someone who is generaly not athletic, and enjoys Video Games; Comic Books; being on the internet, and etc.
The term now enjoys a special status within the technical community, particularly among particularly knowledgable computer programmers. To identify oneself as a “geek” indicates a recognition that most people still consider programming computers to be a bizarre act, along with a certain fierce satisfaction in being very good at their inglorious profession.

That most software geeks now easily earn twice as much as the average laborer just sweetens their defiant embrace of the term.

Note: Unlike the word “nerd,” which is always pejorative, “geek” often carries a positive connotation when used by one of the group. The use of the term by outsiders is considered insulting.
Those outside the group feel the geeks are weird or uncool. The geeks just love being geeks.
CL Complete Loser
A person who has fallen off the social ladder, climbed down the social ladder, jumped off the social ladder, or just never bothered to climb the social ladder in the first place. Upon arrival on the ground, losers begin to befriend fellow groundlings and realize how much fun a person can have when gravity isn’t an issue. It is perfectly acceptable to insult losers, because they have nowhere to fall to and it won’t hurt much. They will end up laughing about it later, anyways. Every now and then, a loser will glance at the top of the social ladder, but it is never long before they realize how pointless and stupid the top of the ladder is.
The saying “He that is down fears no fall” comes in handy. They are like the ‘factionless’ in the movie Divergents. They mind their own business and hope you mind yours.
The Cool Kids
-When someone is “cool” they are popular, suave, and you like them.
The cool kids are also popular, but may not come with the fat bank accounts and certainly are not dumb.
The Dweebs
Different then nerd, geek, or dork. A dweeb is someone who is intellectual and socially-inept, but also ineffectual and devoid of passion.
Max, fitting the role of the dweeb, spent all Friday night reading Hartshorne’s “Algebraic Geometry” while the others in the dorm wing went downtown for an evening of fun.
By looking between all of these definitions, we realise that the word ‘dweeb’ translates more or less to ‘loser’
Why don’t you try to find out how your kids are faring in this new environment called high school? How do their peers view them? How do they feel about how their peers and school mates relate to them? Is it affecting their studies? Do your kids really like school?
You’ll be glad you did.

Have a Kid in High School?

9 Mar

Having a kid can be so exciting. You have these high hopes and visions where you see them grow up to become successful independent adult impacting on the world positively. Your dreams and visions remain the same while they pass through kindergarten and elementary school. You find you can still control at least some aspects of their lives. Then comes middle school and you begin to lose that control and when they get into high school it’s an entirely different ball game!
When children get into high school a lot of changes take place: their dressing, outlook, relationship with their parents, speech…ah yes! Their speech. These kids come home and use some words that totally fly over our heads. Sometimes we feel so timid to ask what the words mean, I mean like hey! Who’s the parent here? But a lot can be accomplished if we stopped pretending we understood everything they said and just plain ask them, “What does that mean?”
My daughter offhandedly referred to her brother as a jock. He took it in stride while the word continued to rotate in my head…jock? Jock? What’s a jock? I remember I’ve heard the word used in many high school movies but I’ve never taken time to find out what it really means. So I swallowed, cleared my throat and said to myself, “Here goes” and I asked her, “And what does that mean? The word jock, I mean. She stares at me for a bit and seeing I was not backing down she says “It’s a word that means he’s very into sports in school.” I can tell from her expression that she’s only given me half a definition, and she knows that I know that she knows she’s trying to fool me, so she gives me part of the other half of the definition, “It also means he’s popular with the girls because he’s in shape,” and then…”and he’s not very brilliant like the nerds….”
It’s now my turn to stare and believe me I did stare. I felt different degrees of horrified. That was supposed to describe my son? All that is spent on school fees is for him to go become a “jock” in school? Trying to hide how utterly disappointed I felt I asked her, “And you, what are you in school”? and I hold my breath. She pretends to consider the question and finally says, “They may say I’m a duff, some say a nerdy duff, but it doesn’t bother me”.
Duff? Now what’s that?
“And your sister?” “Oh she’s the bully.”
So I asked her to do me a list of all the names they use to categorise themselves in school and she does and I took out time to check what each of the term actually means and it’s quite an interesting find.
The Jock
Jock
In Canada and the United States, a jock is a stereotype of an athlete. It is generally attributed mostly to high school and college athletics participants who form a distinct youth subculture. As a blanket term, jock can be considered synonymous with athlete. Similar words that may mean the same as jock include meathead, musclebrain, and musclehead. These terms are based on the stereotype that a jock is muscular, but not very smart, and cannot carry a conversation on any topic other than one relating to sports, exercise, or sex.
Going by this definition, I am definitely not interested in my son being a jock…I mean, come on!
The Popular Kids
Usually characterized by overall wealth, fashionable style, confidence, the “popular kids” vary from school to school. Depending on what school you go to, they can be intelligent, intelligent but dumb themselves down, or just downright idiots. They come in all shapes and sizes, from petite brunettes to towering blondes. Most of them throw/attend the best parties in town, date the hottest girls/boys in town, and wear the most envy-worthy clothes in town.
The popular kid is not just determined by the size of the parents’ bank account, but by how much freedom the parents give them—freedom to throw and attend lavish parties, freedom to date the hottest boys/girls, freedom to get the most ‘envy-worthy’ clothes.
In the long run the popular kids marry in the circles and inherit daddy’s business—at least in most cases.
Remember the popular kid could dumb or intelligent.

To be continued…

So True

15 Sep

I came across a quote yesterday, it was or is a wisdom quote. I so loved the quote I had to have it re-blogged (it was originally blogged by Otrazhenie). The quote simply goes ‘The worst part about being strong is that no one ever asks if you’re okay.’

How nice to have the strong ones amongst us weak mortals. I say ‘us weak mortals’ because I don’t see myself as being strong, most times I need someone to ‘unburden’ on, someone who would perform the simple act of listening, sometimes not listening to proffer solutions but just listening. I am sure many of us fall under that category.

Point is even the weak at times have to exhibit some strength when they meet with those they are stronger than. Virtually everyone has someone or those who look up to them. A parent undergoing depression has to cast aside their depression to be strong for their children, the children is their department,they just have to man it depressed or no. Even amongst the children, the younger ones tend to look up to the older ones and the older ones simply assume the role of the strong one when the parents just aren’t there. You find older siblings forgoing their meals for the younger ones, or rustling up some food for them to eat even if they have zero cooking skills. I remember when we were little, sometimes we would get back from school and there’s nothing to eat (no prepared meal) and mum and dad are still at work. Our eldest brother would go to the backyard, there was a kind of flower garden there with some other plants that looked like vegetables, I don’t know how he did it, but he would get some of those ‘vegetables’ some snails and he always came up with tasty ‘nameless’ dishes! For us then he was the strong one and he always made sure we, his younger siblings were okay before he had his meal.

So what I am saying in effect is that there is a hierarchy when it comes to being strong. In the family arrangement, the ultimate source of strength is the husband/father. Everyone in the home looks up to him. Sometimes in trying to keep up the appearance of being strong, some of them actually do without complaining about any form of discomfort or ailment. How many sudden deaths are recorded for women, how about men in general? Do the math.

Another set of ‘strong’ ones that should be taken care of are caregivers. It is so easy to overlook caregivers and assume they are okay…always okay. I have seen several occasions where the caregiver gave up before the person they were caring for.

So true indeed the saying ‘The worst part about being strong is that no one ever asks if you’re okay.’ 

Let’s make it a habit to ask if the strong are okay, take time out to check on them and find out how they are faring. You may just find out that the strong person you are looking at may not really be that strong after all. Everyone needs some tender loving care.

Where Are We Now?

10 Sep

The long vacation started end of July for some pupils/students, early August for others, and like every other holiday, the children could not wait to really get into it. Then, the menace called Ebola set in. The press had a field day, spreading terror how best they could. It was like “Catch Ebola in the bus-stop nearest to you”. What else could ruin a holiday than a life-threatening virus.

Granted, the sensationalism created a lot of awareness, (let’s not talk about the bathe and drink salt saga) and a whole lot of changes in many. Notable amongst others is how orderly Nigerians became…no more pushing and shoving at bus-stops, minimal body contact inside of buses, and then the hand sanitisers!

I think producers of hand sanitisers made their greatest sales this period. You can find hand sanitisers sticking out of purses, back pockets, breast pockets… Even those who know nothing about the sanitisers use them these days. For some hand sanitisers replaced the hand creams. It is not surprising to find some using hand sanitisers after washing their hands with soap under running water! Strikes me as quite funny, since the washing of hands with simple soap and running water is really all that is needed, maybe the sanitisers are for ‘double’ protection.

Next we have multiple resumption dates for schools. The Federal government’s directive to adjust the school resumption date was greeted with mixed reactions. Those whose entire livelihood depends on schools’ resuming would not hear of it. If you ask me, all the brouhaha over the resumption date is entirely selfish. Have we really sat back to think about what would happen if this virus enters the school environment? We shall be talking about the wiping out of whole families! The ‘it is not my portion’ ideology alone would cause the biggest problem.

Many, due to their religious affiliations do not believe that anything ‘bad’ can happen to them. This in itself is a high powered self deceit. Bad things happen everyday, even to the most righteous of men! Anyway, back to Ebola, how many parents would have a child running a fever, vomiting, etc and associate the illness to the dreaded virus? We would first try out our usual self medication, during which time the virus would simply pass on to others within the family. If that doesn’t work the next port of call is the church for ‘faith healing’. Even if there is a nagging suspicion of what the problem really is, who would be brave enough to give it its rightful name, after all ‘it is not our portion’. Of course, the hospital is the last resort.

So where exactly are we now? Are schools resuming on the 22nd of September? 13th of October? Indefinitely?

Putting aside our selfishness, what exactly is the right thing to do?

I Remember MJ

25 Jun

I remember very early in the morning this day 5 years ago, I received a phone call, a call that changed my mood for the rest of the day. The caller suggested I tune in to a particular news station and hear first hand what was going on.

I refused. I insisted the caller tell me themselves what it was I should find out. The caller gave up and simply said “Michael Jackson died last night.”

I didn’t believe it.  And neither did I have the courage to tune in to the news station to verify it either. I just blanked out that piece of information from my mind, and decided to face my day as if nothing had happened.

The office was buzzing with the news when I got there, I could see quite clearly that there was at least some truth in what I had earlier heard. But then I still did not react…I was in denial.

Then I got a call from The Gambia, it was from my elder brother who had travelled there at the time. Why was he calling? It was to tell me exactly the same thing, “Did you hear…” At this point I was sitting in front of a TV set and taking in the same piece of news, without any outward show of emotion.

And then my dad walked in. He took a good look at me and asked “How are you holding up?” It was all I needed. I broke down and I cried.

You may wonder ‘why would every member of my family be placing a call to me about this event?’ You guessed right, I was a great fan of MJ in the family and everyone knew that. So everyone just felt I needed consolation…imagine that!

But actually, I did.

I guess everyone had their various reactions to MJ’s death. For some it was good riddance to bad rubbish, to some it was a matter of ‘so he died, duh?’ And yet to some, it was earth shaking. To me it was like, “How could someone like MJ just drop dead?” It was so surreal.

Michael was an enigma. Everyone had an opinion about him from good to bad to downright ugly. Though opinions about his life has always been diverse, a fact that everyone concedes is that he was a great singer, entertainer and performer. No one argues that whether a hater or a lover.

But all the same, everyone still felt his exit from the world scene and like it or not, the world still feels his absence five years down.

What more can I say?

Adieu Michael Jackson.

I remember.

 

 

 

 

 

All About Resolutions

27 Dec

Another year is around the corner and for many it is time to come up with the resolution for the year, simply stated, New Year’s resolution. When we talk about resolution we are simply saying what we have resolved to do. To resolve to do something one has a firm determination to meet the target. But for  many, resolutions are just a ritual, you just have to make one…the year has not begun for you if you have not made a resolution. So it seems that there really is no resolve, no determination.

Some resolve to quit smoking when a new year begins. That resolution lasts a few hours for some and a few days for others, and when they suffer a relapse…we can’t blame them, they tried.

For others, it is a resolution to be more homely or supportive of their spouses, a very good intention.

Some say, ‘No womanizing this year’ hmmm.

The big question then is, ‘Is it really worth it?’ Who are we kidding! Coming up with a resolution which we expect to last a whole year is quite a tall dream.

Wouldn’t it be better making a daily resolution and thereby taking life one step at a time? It is much easier to conquer one day at a time than to take on a whole year, after all the individual days make up the year. So make a daily resolution and stick to it. In that way you find that with each passing day you move closer and closer to the ultimate goal you set up for yourself.

So what are you waiting for? Make today’s resolution and see how you scale through for the rest of the year 🙂

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