Tag Archives: human relationship

So True

15 Sep

I came across a quote yesterday, it was or is a wisdom quote. I so loved the quote I had to have it re-blogged (it was originally blogged by Otrazhenie). The quote simply goes ‘The worst part about being strong is that no one ever asks if you’re okay.’

How nice to have the strong ones amongst us weak mortals. I say ‘us weak mortals’ because I don’t see myself as being strong, most times I need someone to ‘unburden’ on, someone who would perform the simple act of listening, sometimes not listening to proffer solutions but just listening. I am sure many of us fall under that category.

Point is even the weak at times have to exhibit some strength when they meet with those they are stronger than. Virtually everyone has someone or those who look up to them. A parent undergoing depression has to cast aside their depression to be strong for their children, the children is their department,they just have to man it depressed or no. Even amongst the children, the younger ones tend to look up to the older ones and the older ones simply assume the role of the strong one when the parents just aren’t there. You find older siblings forgoing their meals for the younger ones, or rustling up some food for them to eat even if they have zero cooking skills. I remember when we were little, sometimes we would get back from school and there’s nothing to eat (no prepared meal) and mum and dad are still at work. Our eldest brother would go to the backyard, there was a kind of flower garden there with some other plants that looked like vegetables, I don’t know how he did it, but he would get some of those ‘vegetables’ some snails and he always came up with tasty ‘nameless’ dishes! For us then he was the strong one and he always made sure we, his younger siblings were okay before he had his meal.

So what I am saying in effect is that there is a hierarchy when it comes to being strong. In the family arrangement, the ultimate source of strength is the husband/father. Everyone in the home looks up to him. Sometimes in trying to keep up the appearance of being strong, some of them actually do without complaining about any form of discomfort or ailment. How many sudden deaths are recorded for women, how about men in general? Do the math.

Another set of ‘strong’ ones that should be taken care of are caregivers. It is so easy to overlook caregivers and assume they are okay…always okay. I have seen several occasions where the caregiver gave up before the person they were caring for.

So true indeed the saying ‘The worst part about being strong is that no one ever asks if you’re okay.’ 

Let’s make it a habit to ask if the strong are okay, take time out to check on them and find out how they are faring. You may just find out that the strong person you are looking at may not really be that strong after all. Everyone needs some tender loving care.


Where Are We Now?

10 Sep

The long vacation started end of July for some pupils/students, early August for others, and like every other holiday, the children could not wait to really get into it. Then, the menace called Ebola set in. The press had a field day, spreading terror how best they could. It was like “Catch Ebola in the bus-stop nearest to you”. What else could ruin a holiday than a life-threatening virus.

Granted, the sensationalism created a lot of awareness, (let’s not talk about the bathe and drink salt saga) and a whole lot of changes in many. Notable amongst others is how orderly Nigerians became…no more pushing and shoving at bus-stops, minimal body contact inside of buses, and then the hand sanitisers!

I think producers of hand sanitisers made their greatest sales this period. You can find hand sanitisers sticking out of purses, back pockets, breast pockets… Even those who know nothing about the sanitisers use them these days. For some hand sanitisers replaced the hand creams. It is not surprising to find some using hand sanitisers after washing their hands with soap under running water! Strikes me as quite funny, since the washing of hands with simple soap and running water is really all that is needed, maybe the sanitisers are for ‘double’ protection.

Next we have multiple resumption dates for schools. The Federal government’s directive to adjust the school resumption date was greeted with mixed reactions. Those whose entire livelihood depends on schools’ resuming would not hear of it. If you ask me, all the brouhaha over the resumption date is entirely selfish. Have we really sat back to think about what would happen if this virus enters the school environment? We shall be talking about the wiping out of whole families! The ‘it is not my portion’ ideology alone would cause the biggest problem.

Many, due to their religious affiliations do not believe that anything ‘bad’ can happen to them. This in itself is a high powered self deceit. Bad things happen everyday, even to the most righteous of men! Anyway, back to Ebola, how many parents would have a child running a fever, vomiting, etc and associate the illness to the dreaded virus? We would first try out our usual self medication, during which time the virus would simply pass on to others within the family. If that doesn’t work the next port of call is the church for ‘faith healing’. Even if there is a nagging suspicion of what the problem really is, who would be brave enough to give it its rightful name, after all ‘it is not our portion’. Of course, the hospital is the last resort.

So where exactly are we now? Are schools resuming on the 22nd of September? 13th of October? Indefinitely?

Putting aside our selfishness, what exactly is the right thing to do?


21 Jul

My daughter Crystal graduated from Grade School to High School this weekend, while her elder sister graduated from Junior High to Senior High. We tried to make it a memorable occasion, though the rains had a swell time at our expense!

Being a Mother is No Piece of Cake

4 Jun

I have been a mother for like, thirteen years now, and I believe that one of the noblest, most wholesome tedious job is that of being a mother. Now I had my kids in quick successions…and I really mean “quick successions”-2000, 2001, 2003. It was like I was being pursued by someone or something, we never planned for it to happen that way but then it happened. Now that was a lot of stress, but I was determined to do things right, so I did my six month baby-friendly exercise with each and every one of them and enjoyed every backbreaking part of it. I had help too, those words of encouragement from both those who have been there and done that and those who had not been there but were positive they would handle it in an okay way if they had the chance.

Now they have grown…at least to a great extent and I have come to realise the truthfulness of what some said to me then, ‘Endure the hassles of their being so many and so little for they shall all grow at once, then you would enjoy them.’ I am surely doing so now, I am not changing diapers and spoon-feeding anyone but I have a greater challenge now, channeling them to becoming responsible adults.

With every facet of the child’s life the mother’s role remains constant, she is the cook, the steward, the guardian, the confidante, the mentor, the teacher, the helper, the builder, the pillar, the support…

This is definitely no piece of cake.

Ansa…The Return

16 Mar



his day would be the happiest day in Osei’s life. He had long anticipated this day, the day that he would marry the one woman he had loved all his life. He needed to be congratulated; he had moved heaven and earth-somewhat literally, to make this day come true.

At the back of his mind were all the crimes he had committed in his moving heaven and earth. He did not want to think about them or remember them; after all, the end always justifies the means, or is that not what the white man said?

He had spent the most of his life with the white man and had learned a lot from them. He had even tried to initiate his “close” friend Anan to the trade in human cargo. But Anan had been too righteous… and he had died.

That was another episode in his life that he did not want to remember.

All day his kinsmen have been around him sharing in his joy, at least that is what he thought, and feasting. He was very well aware of the fact that many considered him a stupid man. He was a wealthy man—very wealthy indeed—and yet he had remained unmarried! Wasted his youth, that is what he had done, and all for what?

He believed that you should love the woman you marry, of course he had not been a saint all these years, he had had his share of women, in fact his escapades had produced three sons all of whom stay with their mothers since the system was matrilineal anyway. But he had always wanted to marry only one woman—Nana.

It had been a long wait, eight years of her being widowed plus the other years he had stood at a distance watching as Anan remained husband of the woman he wanted.

Nana was a queen, a regal ebony black beauty who walked with aristocratic gait. He had wanted her for himself from the very first day he set his eyes on her.

The sound of exceptional jubilation brought him out of his reverie. The rituals associated with marriage were many and he had been following them with enthusiasm all along even with his journeying to the past from time to time; but he could not understand why everyone was in such frenzy! Were they really that happy for him?

He had noticed how anxious Nana had been all day and right now she looked tense kneeling beside him, but he could not stand up to find out why their guests were causing quite a pandemonium.

The women were singing praises of someone, and from clear indicators, it was not HIM they were singing about. It sounded like…could it be what he was thinking?

In the fog of his confused mind he watched Nana rise. She rose and everyone went quite still and then suddenly a roar of applause.

Now even the abusua who was presiding over the marriage ceremony rose. His face was all smiles as he watched the “spectacle” that Osei supposed was taking place right behind him.

Every fibre of his being told him to flee, but he could not bring himself to do that. He was no coward. He had always prided himself brave enough to face his own demons. He had to face this one too even if it was the last thing he would do.

He rose to his feet and he turned around to face the worst fear of his life, his very own nemesis.

It was Ansa.

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